Once on the beach, she ties him up and orders him to dig his own grave. While Ilana is chowing down on a MANGO, Smoke/Locke pays Ben a visit. Because Smoke/Locke is also a JEDI, he is able to free Ben from his bonds and promises him a way off the island. All he has to do is run inland to a gun he has placed by a tree, shoot Ilana, and make for the Hydra station on Site B. Easy enough, Ben supposes, so he takes off running. Ilana chases, and when Ben gets to the gun he tries to explain to Ilana why he killed Jacob. When she asks him why he is running off to be with Smoke/Locke, he says it's because no one else will "have him". Ilana says that she will "have him", and so he follows her back to the beach.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the island, Hurley and Jack are making their way back to the temple. Hurley is trying to stall Jack, because well, the Temple is in ruins (that's probably the name of a hardcore band somewhere on MySpace). Jack's suspicious as to why Hurley is stalling, but when Richard emerges from the woods he explains everything. Including, but not limited to, why he has never aged. He says that the "Touch of Jacob" is a gift, and that he cannot die because of it. He cannot even kill himself. So, like a bad day in a cycle of Groundhog Days, Richard asks Jack to help off himself in the hull of the Black Rock, the very vessel that brought Richard to the island in the first place. Jack's okay with assisted suicide, apparently, so he sets up a stick of dynamite with a long fuse. Instead of fleeing the ship, Jack has a chat with Richard about life, death, meaning, and purpose. Jack says that there is no way he's going to die, because obviously Jacob has bigger plans for him than blowing up with Richard. So, like a sick joke, the fuse he lit just moments earlier fizzles out just before it reaches the dynamite. Then Jack is like, "Lawl, you wanna light another stick?"
They eventually make their way to the beach with Richard in toe, and - INSERT SLOW-MO BEACH REUNION SCENE! Then, a few thousand yards off-shore, here comes Charles Widmore in a freakin' submarine. A freakin' submarine. A freakin' submarine.
Since the Jack/Hurley/Richard storyline was by far the most interesting part of this episode, it's unfortunate that it was only filler time compared to the Island/Bizzaro Ben storyline. Which was interesting too! In its own sort of weird, creepy kind of way. You see, in Bizzaro world, Ben is a history teacher at a high school in Los Angeles. He's frustrated with administration because, well, he has to teach detention! Because of this, he is forced to miss time with his history club, and more importantly, he is forced to miss time with his student-crush, history prodegy ALEX! Who, by the way, apparently is comfortable visiting Ben at his house? And is also comfortable having one-on-one study time with him? It's all well and creepy, especially when Alex tells Ben about a sexual rendevous between the principal of the school and the school nurse.
Ben decides to do a little further digging with Bug-Guy from season one, and discovers a slew of illicit e-mails between the principal and the nurse. He demands the principal to resign, but fortunately for him, he can use Alex as a bargaining chip, saying that if Ben goes through with his plan, then there's no way Alex is going to get into Yale (d'oh!). So, Ben decides to do what's right, and agrees not to tell anyone about the affair in exchange for a good reference for Alex. And everyone is happy in the end, except for Bug-Guy. But at least he didn't explode into a million pieces.
I had mixed feelings about this episode. Not that I thought the episode was bad, necessarily. I just walked away from it with a funny taste in my mouth. It was a very silly episode. I won't say pointless, because the argument could be made that every episode this season has been pointless. In fact, unless the end justifies the means here, that's probably what I'll wind up saying about this whole season, and perhaps even the whole show. It's hard to have faith that this show is going somewhere when there's been so much wandering, and so much stalling. The best/worst example of this is Hurley trying to stall Jack from reaching the temple. It's like the writers needed a way not only to stall the character, but also to drag the show out a few extra minutes. Seriously, why was that scene even in there?
And sure, Linus does get an opportunity to face his demons and come out a better man; in both the Island realm and bizzaro realm. I appreciate that he did make some steps forward, and again, this all could be leading up to something much bigger than we all realize. But as a stand-alone episode, it felt like the second act of a trilogy, without a real beginning or ending. Maybe the third act of season six will prove this all worth while, but for now, I'm growing weary of all the stalling.
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