Okay, for the time being I want everyone to just go ahead and agree that Lost is the best thing that has ever happened to television. Period. I don't care if you've never seen the show, I'm about to educate you. For those of you who follow the show, you already know what it's all about. Well, at least you think you know. And those who haven't seen it, as my dad likes to say, "It's a bunch of people running around in the bushes going, 'Huh?! Huh?! What was that?' at strange noises." This is on a par with my dad's summation of The Lord of the Rings series, "There's some hobbits, wizards, a couple of towers, a ring that nobody wants...", but BELIEVE ME, if you only catch one episode of the series, that literally is ALL THAT IT IS. That's why you should really start from the beginning.
If you take the high road and actually watch the DVDs before the next season starts (72 hours to cover in 9 days, good luck with that), then you would be rewarded with a highly engaging, massively addicting television series that always has twists and always leaves you guessing. If you take the low road, and listen to what I have to say, you may be able to call yourself a bonafide wanna-be Lostie when the series ends and all your true Lostie friends are collectively going WTF. You'll be able to share in their camaraderie, and maybe even throw in a good, "Yeah I know, why didn't they answer THAT question?"Before I get started, I should probably preface my recap of Lost by saying that this is mostly satire, but not entirely satire. It should also be noted that I will probably miss A LOT of things. By no means is this to be considered complete, exhaustive, canonical, or even anywhere close. Lost is a very complex show with lots of characters going in and out. So, for the sake of time, this will be nothing more than a brief overview. Nothing more. That said, let's get started!
Lots of people are riding on a plane from Sydney, Australia to Los Angeles. Their plane hits a patch of bad turbulence and starts to break apart mid-air. They crash, and a lot of people die in the crash. Some people from the midsection of the plane survive, and they land on a mysterious island. Inexplicably, a good deal of people aren't hurt, and in fact some people are better. One man, who was previously (PREVIOUSLY ON LOST) paralyzed from the waist down can walk again (insert Keanu "Woh."), and a dude whose boys couldn't swim before can now miraculously make babies. Also one lady is preggers with the Antichrist (maybe). Anyways, there's a lot of amazing people who are connected in ways even they cannot fathom. Then, they start hearing things.
It's some sort of "monster" in the bushes. They decide to start looking around, because hey, water. They find the cockpit and the pilot, who is alive, but not for very long as he gets eaten by the "monster". A very smart ex-Iraqi interrogator fixes a walkie that they find on the pilot and they hear a strange transmission in French. "They're dead, they're all dead," she says (insert Charlie "Where are we?")
FF
"I just shot a polar bear!"
"She's a con."
"You made my daddy kill my mommy."
"Two players, two sides. One is light and one is dark."
"You speak English?"
"Where is Alex?"
"The others."
"There's a plane on top of the cliff."
"Teresa falls up the stairs, Teresa falls down the stairs."
"You all everybody!"
"Ethan's not on the list."
"There's a hatch."
"I'm supposed to do this damn it! Don't tell me what I can't do!"
"4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42"
"We need dynamite."
"ZZZ!"
"I think that was your dad."
"I think I'm going into labor!"
"No wait! Stop! No you can't! The numbers are bad!"
"That button has to be pressed every 108 minutes."
"This is the orientation video for the Dharma Initiative."
"See you in another life, brother."
"We have to find the other section."
"My name is Henry Gale."
"Sun is pregnant."
"Just give me back my son."
"We live together, or we die alone."
"You are free to go."
"I think I crashed your plane, brother."
"I was wrong."
"I love you, Penny!"
"They have Jack, Kate and Sawyer."
"My name is Juliet."
"My name is Benjamin Linus."
"Hey! You got yourself a fish biscuit! How'd you do that?"
"I find out that I have a tumor on my spine, and a spinal surgeon just so happens to fall from the sky."
"A guy needs somebody-to be near him. A guy goes nuts if he ain't got nobody. Don't make no difference who the guy is, long's he's with you. I tell ya, I tell ya a guy gets too lonely an' he gets sick."
"Turn your eyes and look north."
"Damn it, Sawyer!"
"We're not exactly in Portland."
"This swallow is more than you'd make in a year."
"Charlie, you're gonna' die, brother."
"Roger Workman?"
"I am Mikhail Bakunin, the last living member of the Dharma Initiative."
"Magic box?"
"PAULO LIES."
"The fence was not set to a lethal level."
"Pregnant women die on this island."
"You wanna' go to hell?!"
"Help. Me."
"Peanut butter."
"NOT PENNY'S BOAT"
"That's for taking the kid off the raft."
"Kate! We have to go back!"
"I'm one of the Oceanic Six!"
"I was going to be the pilot of that flight."
"You kill for me, Sayid."
"I need to do the dishes."
"Two out of three. That's progress."
"You need to find a constant, Desmond."
"We have to get to the Tempest."
"The Island won't let you die, Michael."
"Alex! We have to run!"
"But if we cannot negotiate then I'll guess you'll just have to shoot her!"
"John. You have to move the island."
"Where's Jin?!"
"Penny?"
"We've got to bring him too."
"The window will open in 70 hours."
"We can't go to a hospital! Everyone knows that's the last place you go. They're gonna' kill him! Like in the Godfather!"
"Charles Widmore."
"This place is death!"
"Board Ajira Airways Flight 316"
"He's the man who killed me."
"I take people where they need to go."
"LaFluer!"
"Nameste, and welcome to the Dharma Initiative."
"He's our you."
"You are all going to die, you know."
"I think our problems have already been solved. I just killed Benjamin Linus."
"This process will change him forever."
"Dead is dead."
"Maybe you should just talk to him. I bet Luke would've been better off if he had."
"If it doesn't work, then everyone on the island will die."
"What lies in the shadow of the statue?"
"They're coming!"
"Come on you son of a bitch!"
And that brings us pretty much up to speed. I know that probably reads like an extended PREVIOUSLY ON LOST reel to most people, but it's really the only way I can cover most of the bases. So what's next for Lost? I don't really know. I like to just sort of be surprised by this show rather than guessing. I find that it makes the show way more entertaining and fun. Expect a few updates in the coming weeks as new episodes come out. I'll be reviewing them here regularly.
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